47% Guy has 1000% of My Respect and Admiration

So, the hippy-fag-commie media has been abuzz the past couple of days with the news that the 47% guy has chosen to reveal himself. Yeah, I don’t blame it for being abuzz. I’m abuzz and agog and ahappy: Mitt Romney was brought low by a bartender–a hard-working member of the 47%.


So, the story is fairly extraordinary if you stop there. But the fact that this guy is so incredibly politically shrewd is what has stayed with me. He played this just right. He released the tape and let Romney’s words speak for themselves. The story never became a referendum on Scott Prouty, which is exactly what would have happened had he had a higher profile, or any profile at all. And as disappointed as I am that I have no idea whether he has granite countertops or not, I’m really really thankful he never put himself at the mercy of the wingnut media, which would have done its level best to make this man’s life a living hell.

I’m sure he’s getting death threats as I type this, and a part of me is wishing he’d never revealed himself. But, damn, since he has, I just wanna say “thanks.” Thanks for revealing Mitt Romney and his donors as the bubble-headed sociopaths they really are. Thank you for saving us from a Romney presidency. Because I really don’t think I could have afforded to participate in the mandated “Seersucker Suits and Polo Day”* activities. I don’t even know where to get a polo pony.

*For those smartass commenters who are bound to point out that–duh–I can get what I need at Seersucker and Polo Ponies Discount Emporium, let me just stop you: WE DON’T HAVE ANY IN RHODE ISLAND. So, bite me.

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I Blame Roy Edroso for This

Via one of his tweets, I stumbled across this fine piece of investigative journalism. (Sorry, the story’s about a month old. You know me–if it’s not completely irrelevant/obsolete,  I’m not interested!) It’s about how Obama voters are, like, omg, so dumb, you guys!!!

There’s lots that’s wrong with this smug little write-up, but I think the wrongest thing of all is the video he provides as his IN-YOUR-FACE, LIBS! smoking gun. Here it is.

Now, the thrust of this piece is that these young voters are lacking substance, just throwing out buzzwords and feel-good phrases. But I think the video pretty much completely demolishes that idea. Bearing in mind it’s often hard for even confident, bright, older people to articulate why they’re motivated to vote, I actually think these kids did an admirable job of addressing things that are important to them. Our young Bernstein-in-training doesn’t understand that because the issues that the young folks bring up are jokes to him.

Here’s my take on the highlight reel:

One kid admits to be being moved by the campaign. (He’s in thrall to The One!)

One chick says “forward.”  (O-BOT!!! Nevermind that some of us are genuinely worried that the Republicans are trying to drag us back to the 1950’s.  Saying you want to continue “moving forward” is perfectly legitimate and not proof that you’re echoing campaign slogans. Unless, of course, no one outside the Obama campaign has ever expressed a desire to move forward. Seems unlikely.)

One woman says she supports abortion and gay rights. (What is abstract or feel-goody about that? It’s pretty straightforward.)

One young man says that spending on social welfare programs is important to him. (Again, straightforward: The kid wants a safety net. What a fag.)

Shit, one guy specifically mentions he supports Obama’s stance on insurer-provided birth control and gay marriage. (Still waiting for the meaningless feel-good phrases that are just pablum.)

Well, one well-meaning young dude actually mentions the “War on Women.” Mistake. (See, it doesn’t matter if he really cares about women having access to abortion or birth control or that he’s disgusted with all the rapey goodness replete in the Republican party, he used a phrase that wingnuts reject because they are completely lacking in self-awareness and devoid of shame.)

A couple of giggly kids mention caring about having access to medical marijuana and assisted suicide. (They fail here, I guess, because they act kinda stoner-ish and laid-back. This somehow cancels out their very specific nod to the issues.)

STILL NO PABLUM. GIVE ME MY GODDAMN PABLUM, FEARLESS BLAZE “REPORTER.”

So, yeah, that’s basically it for the first part. Then the quiz begins. The kids’ performance on this part is decidedly mediocre. They probably all need to take a civics class. Or a refresher course on civics. Then again, I need to take one, too. (I got the House of Representatives number wrong. Thought it was 400. Shame on me.)

Just for funzies, I’d love to see the results of a national poll asking people who Timothy Geithner is. I’m guessing upwards of 85% of the American people could not tell you who Timothy Geithner is.

The takeaway here is supposed to be “Can you believe these dummies are voting?” But as I said before, I actually think the footage does a pretty good job of acquitting the “dummies.” And were I some hungry young “reporter” working for an esteemed site like Glenn Beck’s “The Blaze, I’d be really really really careful using that little quiz as a metric for determining voter smarts. Because if he thinks this group did poorly, he’d shocked by how poorly your average Teabagger would fare.

I can match you video for video, asshole.

Remember When…

I said I was gonna start a food blog? Well, I tried to, but ultimately decided doing the noble work of twitter-trolling Ted Nugent and taking goofy pictures of my son was more important. So after publishing a few recipes, I kinda gave up and started blogging about food here again.

I’m gonna bring those recipes from 60% Success Rate on over. So, Bon Apetit!

What I made: Pork Chop, Apple, Onion and Swiss Chard Skillet.

Why it works: This is just a wonderful combination of sweet and savory flavors, classic flavors that belong together. A homey comforting meal with just a touch of sophistication, brought to you with the addition of a splash of wine and some great-for-you leafy greens.

Ingredients:

  • 4-6 1/2 to 1-inch bone in, fat-on pork chops, seasoned with kosher salt and fresh-ground pepper
  • 3 slices bacon
  • 1 large or 2 small apples, cored and cut into thin wedges
  • 1 large onion, cut into slim strips
  • 2 cups chicken stock
  • a generous splash white wine or sherry
  • 1/8 tsp. ground cloves
  • 1/2 tsp. coriander
  • 1/4 tsp. ground fennel seed or pinch of fennel seed
  • 1 bunch Swiss chard, rough-chopped
  • 1 tbsp. apple cider vinegar

Directions:

  1. In a large skillet, fry bacon ’til crisp and fat has rendered. Move to plate, let cool and crumble or chop into small pieces. Do NOT wipe out the skillet.
  2. In the rendered fat, over medium-high heat, brown the pork chops on both sides. Remove them and put them on a plate. Again, do not wipe out the skillet.
  3. Add the apples, onions and spices to the skillet. Add a sprinkling of salt and pepper. Saute over medium heat until the apples and onions are golden and quite tender. This will take awhile.
  4. Add the wine and stock. Let simmer until sauce has reduced and thickened a bit. Stir in the vinegar.
  5. Stir in the Swiss chard and let it wilt a bit.
  6. Nestle the pork chops and any accumulated juices in the skillet and continue cooking on medium heat until everything is cooked through and the flavors have had a chance to get to know each other–5 or so minutes.
  7. Sprinkle with crumbled bacon.
  8. Serve over mashed potatoes, rice, buttered egg noodles–or whatever you like!

Question: Am I Drunk Enough to Troll Ted Nugent? Answer: Yes.

I know what you’re all thinking now, and I agree: Yeah, I’m pretty great.

That’s What She Said

I think everyone who reads my blog on a regular basis knows that I watch soaps. And when it was not as much a dying genre, I was pretty serious about “my stories.”  What you may not know is that roughly a decade ago, I wrote a couple of letters to the powers that be at “The Bold and Beautiful.” Now, that’s fandom! Anyway, apparently they were pretty impactful because one of the co-creators of the show called me to discuss my letters. Twice. Which is neat, in a way. But I think it was around that time that I realized that enjoying a show should not take that much work. See, B&B had been going downhill for awhile and the show’s executive producer and head writer seemed bound and determined to make it the shittiest, most misogynistic soap on the air. The target of the show’s misogyny was always fan favorite, Brooke. A lot of us Brooke fans took issue with this. So we often met up online–via email and message boards– to campaign for better storylines and love interests for her. It was constant. It was letter-writing. It was posting on the official message board. It was voting in polls. But often we would say privately “Should getting this show to be watchable be this hard?”

Obama: the Brooke Logan (the one getting crap slapped out of her) of politics

Which brings me to the election. How is this race even close? We had one candidate tell half the country that they were lazy moochers. How is this race not 90%-10% in favor of Obama?

I recently read a terrifically smart comment at BJ, summing up the situation with this astute analogy: Living in the US is like living in an apartment complex where one half of its tenants are constantly trying to burn the building down. Doesn’t that just say it all? And it’s so true. One half of this country is comprised of firebugs. But I can’t tell if they’re arsonists or if they just start the fires while trying to light their farts. Are Americans actively malicious, dumb or just apathetic? I don’t know. All I know that is trying to keep this country from burning to the ground shouldn’t be this hard.

Pearls: Clutched, Couches: Fainted upon

So there’s this new ad out starring dumb-hyperbole-magnet, Lena Dunham.  On the Left and Right, eyes have  rolled, teeth have gnashed, pearls have been clutched and couches have been set aside just for gettin’ the vapahs. So much ado about absolutely nothing.

The ad is cute, funny and innocuous.

But, apparently, there is worry that the spot has a “cult of personality” issue. I expect to hear this kind of silliness from people like Libertarian Fonzi. But when even the panel of the usually-righteously-right-on “Up” panel gets squeamish, I kinda want to bang my head against my desk.

The ad has little to do with the sex; sex is just the set-up for the joke. And the joke is that voting is exhilarating. Every time I’ve voted, I’ve felt proud, like I’ve done my civic duty. I’ve hoped that my one small vote has done something good for the country. So, yes, I come out of the polling booth feeling quite satisfied. I felt that way when I voted for Obama. Not because I’m some Obama fangirl; he just happened to be the vessel for my “Proud ‘Merkan Voter” exhilaration.  And I imagine it’s the same for Lena. If you think differently, I invite you to retire to your fainting couch and STFU.

I Am Both a Teepee and a Wigwam

I’m too tense. I want the election to be over with. Am I the only one feeling this way?  Am I the only one who thinks the American people are bunch of dumb, lazy, pig-ignorant jerkoffs? Because if America really is exceptional, I’d say it’s because we have more than our fair share of assholes. Am I the only one need of comic relief?

Well, here it is in the form of my goofy son. Oh, and Derek Zoolander.

Random Music Friday: Cotton Candy Edition

One thing that I think goes largely unmentioned when things like this are discovered at Republican rallies (and they almost always do make an appearance somewhere whenever bitter, dumb conservatives gather) is that folks like this are allowed to stay. There is no one pointing disgustedly at him. There is no one ushering him out of the rally. He’s standing there, unmolested. If I were a cynical person–and, GOLLY, I’m nothing of the kind–I’d think that a lot of people at Romney rallies agree with that sentiment…deep down. Of course, most Republicans aren’t that deep, sooooooooooo…

Anyway, since I drink in politics like I drink your milkshake, I’m pretty bummed about the election. That it’s even close doesn’t just surprise me, it disgusts me. There sure are a lot of dumb white people in this country. I’m happy that I’m going to live to see many, many of them die off.

But let’s not worry our pretty little heads about such things now. Let’s just lose ourselves in mindless, cotton-candy music.

Now, isn’t that better?

Random silliness…

This is Where the Fish Dies

I’ve been thinking about the debate a lot. I was kind of appalled by Obama’s lackluster performance; this is a man who’s continually spamming people to beg for money…yet he can’t seem to bother to perform at a debate. I wonder why I should fight for him if he won’t fight for us. That aside, I’m pretty sad we’re living in a world where the narrative goes like this: “Sure, Romney lied his ass off…but he did it with PANACHE! Ipso facto–DEBATE WINNER!” I mean, I could loudly and confidently deny the Holocaust. I could do it whimsically, even, with a soupçon of impish sass…but I’m pretty sure that would still make me a gigantic asshole. Ipso facto, Romney is still a gigantic asshole.

Supersize My Abortion

Kevin Williamson, Internet-famous for writing a couple of screeds about about women being money-hungry, status-seeking hoors and little else, temporarily removed Mitt Romney’s penis from his mouth and stopped fapping to his Romney/Ryan slashfic so he could appear on “Up.” There he used a phrase I would like to douse in gasoline and burn atop the ash heap of history. The phrase is “abortion on demand,” and its inanity is nothing less than breathtaking.

It’s a favorite of the wingnut world, and if you hear a person use it, recognize it for the red flag that it is. It’s meant to imply that abortion is crudely common and that the women who have abortion are crude and common. They want you to picture some mangy-looking broad in hotpants and a tube top sauntering up to a counter and saying “Gimme the fish fillet sandwich, a large Coke and an abortion. Oh, and super-size it.” A lot women have abortions. A lot of women have them for convenience. But none of them have them for fun. But because making women who have abortions into caricatures is the only way to win the debate over reproductive rights, wingnuts will double down on this stereotype: women who have abortions are just lazy, irresponsible sluts who have no regard for human life.

The phrase is also comically inept because it implies that abortions could happen in a manner that does not involve “demand” in some form. I mean, I’m sure forced abortion is a thing (and the idea of it disgusts me), but I’m guessing it’s stunningly rare (especially in this country). Unless the morons who use this phrase are simply put out that some women have not asked politely for their abortions. None of this ON DEMAND stuff. I’m suddenly picturing thousands of women plunking some money on a counter and screaming “GIVE ME MY LAVENDER-SCENTED RELAXATION ABORTION  NOW, BITCHES! AND SUPER-SIZE IT!”

For the record, I’ve searched and searched for Abortion on my cable’s On Demand menu, and I have never found it.

I mean, at some point, women will have to communicate the wish to have to an abortion (if they desire one), and this communication will be either verbal, signed or written. Because how else will women demand their “Bella and Edward Vampire-Human Hybrid No Workee So Good Commemorative Abortion’?* Then again, a decent woman might send her request via carrier pigeon. It’s more proper.

*available only at participating Happy Good Funtime Abortions and Tanning