True Conversations

(Approximate) Conversation with hubby:

Hubby: Why did the RNC choose Reince Priebus?

Me: I don’t know. He’s awful.

Hubby: Do Wisconsinites really sound like that?

Me: I think so.

Hubby: So all Wisconsinites sound drunk?

I don’t know.

 

Happy Belated Drunk Irish People Day.
smilingnotirish

I had a party. No Irish people were invited.

 

 

R.I.P., Davide

The new lady cast members of SNL are pretty undeniably awesome. Here is some proof. For whatever reason, this sketch amuses me to no end.

It’s Friday night. Let’s shake out the sillies!

What are you doing/watching/listening to/reading/cooking?

Oh…PS…this video is sideways because NBC is fascist.

Wherein I Indulge in Sickening Consumerist Speculation

Hubby came home from shopping looking very smug this weekend. Ignored my list. (Which had stuff like cookbooks and Snowbabies on it.) In the email account this morning, I find four Best Buy receipt emails. (Which I do not open, ‘cuz I’m not a dick.) He also told me how his debit card was rejected at one of the stores, due to spending limit security issue.

I do some brilliant, detective-like deducing.

Best Buy=Electronics heaven

Debit card issues=I imagine a decent amount of money was spent

I have no choice but to assume that I am getting an android-butler for Christmas. Sweet!

 

fassbender

BTW, if any of you are wondering what to get me for Christmas, my very own Michael Fassbender would not go unappreciated.

THIS. THIS is what I mean.

Most girls, amirite?

Most girls are like, “You fatally wound a vampire by dousing it with holy water because it causes major tissue disruption.” But I’m not like most girls. I’m all like “You fatally wound a vampire by slicing off its head with a silver sword; it’s cleaner and easier, and silver swords are fairly easy to come by in the Valley of Fog and Blood.”

Novelty. Fucking. Girls. *grits teeth*

Whiskey. Toddlers. Two Great Tastes that Taste Great Together, Except the Goddamn NANNY STATE GOVERMENT WON’T LET ME

You may recall a not-at-all-whiny post awhile back about my adventures designing stuff for The Notorious L.G.M.  It went…interestingly. But to quote to the bard, Eddie Murphy:


I think this flask of whiskey looks damn fine
.

There’s something I can do about the cartoonish appearance of the characters in my art. There’s nothing I can do about how cartoonishly cute my son is. And it’s a good thing he’s cute, because he is one buttload of work.

slidebaby snowbaby whattasmile

I need some whiskey.

Remember When…

I said I was gonna start a food blog? Well, I tried to, but ultimately decided doing the noble work of twitter-trolling Ted Nugent and taking goofy pictures of my son was more important. So after publishing a few recipes, I kinda gave up and started blogging about food here again.

I’m gonna bring those recipes from 60% Success Rate on over. So, Bon Apetit!

What I made: Pork Chop, Apple, Onion and Swiss Chard Skillet.

Why it works: This is just a wonderful combination of sweet and savory flavors, classic flavors that belong together. A homey comforting meal with just a touch of sophistication, brought to you with the addition of a splash of wine and some great-for-you leafy greens.

Ingredients:

  • 4-6 1/2 to 1-inch bone in, fat-on pork chops, seasoned with kosher salt and fresh-ground pepper
  • 3 slices bacon
  • 1 large or 2 small apples, cored and cut into thin wedges
  • 1 large onion, cut into slim strips
  • 2 cups chicken stock
  • a generous splash white wine or sherry
  • 1/8 tsp. ground cloves
  • 1/2 tsp. coriander
  • 1/4 tsp. ground fennel seed or pinch of fennel seed
  • 1 bunch Swiss chard, rough-chopped
  • 1 tbsp. apple cider vinegar

Directions:

  1. In a large skillet, fry bacon ’til crisp and fat has rendered. Move to plate, let cool and crumble or chop into small pieces. Do NOT wipe out the skillet.
  2. In the rendered fat, over medium-high heat, brown the pork chops on both sides. Remove them and put them on a plate. Again, do not wipe out the skillet.
  3. Add the apples, onions and spices to the skillet. Add a sprinkling of salt and pepper. Saute over medium heat until the apples and onions are golden and quite tender. This will take awhile.
  4. Add the wine and stock. Let simmer until sauce has reduced and thickened a bit. Stir in the vinegar.
  5. Stir in the Swiss chard and let it wilt a bit.
  6. Nestle the pork chops and any accumulated juices in the skillet and continue cooking on medium heat until everything is cooked through and the flavors have had a chance to get to know each other–5 or so minutes.
  7. Sprinkle with crumbled bacon.
  8. Serve over mashed potatoes, rice, buttered egg noodles–or whatever you like!

It All Started with Curling

I’m not sure about you all, but I, for one, am not looking forward to the 2014 Olympics. The events have become entirely too inclusive and now any weird, silly, obscure “sport” is featured in the Olympic line-up. Enough. Do any of us really want to watch:

 

Drunk Sliding?

Hat Wrestling?

Rhythmic TV Stand Gymnastics?*

Balance Beam Shatnering?

No, of course we don’t.

Even the athletes look a little ashamed…



*Important safety note:
LC is NOT allowed on the TV stand. I took 5 seconds to snap these photos, then made him get down. It’s really not a great place for babies to play.

Under Cover of Testes

I won’t spoil the surprise by explaining the joke. Google is your friend.

 

I’ve changed my online nym. Why? Well, I go by “vacuumslayer” at my online gallery, and I kinda wanna keep my art/personal life (because I sometimes share my art with friends and family) separate from my snarky, jerky unpaid Cheetos-covered blogger political pundit persona. If I’m going to run for town council of Bumfuck Bluffs, I can’t have oppo research finding out I have a filthy mouth and I have jokingly flirted with liberal heathens. It would just be terrible for my image. But really? I was just ready for a change. I’d had “vacuumslayer” for nearly a decade. I was kinda bored with it. Say “hello” to Dr.KennethNoisewater.

 

 

It’s a Halloween Mitzvah, Charlie Brown!

Happy Halloween, everybody!

I’m attempting to do something of a proper Halloween this year. I bought a Halloween outfit for LC. I’m going to try to take his portrait while he plays with pumpkins. I am handing out candy, and not just to random strangers like I normally do.

Wish me luck!

Hope you all have a great day filled with silliness, whimsy and too much candy.

If you wanna share a funny Halloween-themed video, please do!

Early November