This post is all rimshot!


This One’s for the Ladies

A few days ago I did not get around to answering a couple of comments. I’ll answer them now!

In a previous food-related entry where I discussed cooking for people with different food needs/wants, bbkf said this:

I know if i made a light soup or salad for supper, hubbkf would be aghast and rummaging in the cupboards about a half an hour after eating because he tends to not eat during the day and is ravenous by evening…also, he’s one of those a-holish people who can eat all the junk food they want and not gain weight…so, if i do make something on the lighter side, i make sure there’s bread and other things to fill it out…

the thing i find most difficult about cooking for hubbkf is gauging his satisfaction: i mostly get ‘it was alright’…’pretty good’ is high praise with ‘i didn’t care for that’ as being the worst…although one time i made a meatloaf that was so bad that he quietly fed his piece to the dog…who wouldn’t eat it either…

This sounds so eerily similar to my situation, I’m frankly a little freaked out. The whole thing. Especially the part about gauging satisfaction. I get “It’s delicious.” for everything. Now, I know that not everything I make is delicious so that, of course, has no meaning for me. Lately hubby’s been getting “better” about this. It’s pretty easy to coax a “I wasn’t crazy about it.” from him. Soooooooooooooo Yay(?) for me?

oh, hai! i am feeling especially blabby today! here’s a couple of recipes/sites i have had much hubbkf related success with: pork tacos and a racheal ray soup recipe of all things…not a fan at all of racheal’s teevee stuff, but i get her mag and i must say any recipe i have tried from them has never failed…go figure…

I’ve had every outcome you can imagine trying Rachel Ray recipes. Can’t remember a time I actually completed a recipe in 30 minutes, so I have to call bullshit on that, but I think she’s actually pretty great at writing recipes for home cooks that are healthy (they’re well-balanced and don’t use a lot of–if any–processed ingredients), yummy, have a hint of sophistication and are eminently doable. And actually I find that the more of her recipes I try, the more the success rate goes up. I know she’s not considered, like, a hoity-toity foodie-type, but I genuinely think she’s onto something with her formula…so I’m sticking with her.

Rachel’s must-try soup? Her Sausage and Peppers Stoup. It’s almost indescribably delicious.

wiley asks:

Do you make Lord Chubbington’s (he’s growing out of that name, hey?) baby food?

I do not. LC is very sensitive to textures. He hates “in-between” textures. So a food either needs to be toothsome or crispy or completely smoothly blended. It’s very hard for me process my food to the consistency he likes, and when I’ve tried he has disliked it intensely. He also does not seem to like things like fresh fruit and veggie slices. He is, however, learning to like things like little ham cubes, and he he ate some of my turkey chili on pasta and turkey bolognese, so he *is* branching out.

I am always open to suggestions re: toddler food.


It All Started with Curling

I’m not sure about you all, but I, for one, am not looking forward to the 2014 Olympics. The events have become entirely too inclusive and now any weird, silly, obscure “sport” is featured in the Olympic line-up. Enough. Do any of us really want to watch:


Drunk Sliding?

Hat Wrestling?

Rhythmic TV Stand Gymnastics?*

Balance Beam Shatnering?

No, of course we don’t.

Even the athletes look a little ashamed…

*Important safety note:
LC is NOT allowed on the TV stand. I took 5 seconds to snap these photos, then made him get down. It’s really not a great place for babies to play.

Suck It, Olan Mills!


1.) Take one smarm-peddler

2.) Add rocking chair, pumpkins, and dead leaves

3.) Sprinkle liberally with adorable toddler

4.) Take photos that would make Norman Rockwell say “Now THAT’S wholesome Americana!” and then make him barf. WITH JEALOUSY.
Make smarmy, smarmy magic memories that will last a lifetime.

I Am Both a Teepee and a Wigwam

I’m too tense. I want the election to be over with. Am I the only one feeling this way?  Am I the only one who thinks the American people are bunch of dumb, lazy, pig-ignorant jerkoffs? Because if America really is exceptional, I’d say it’s because we have more than our fair share of assholes. Am I the only one need of comic relief?

Well, here it is in the form of my goofy son. Oh, and Derek Zoolander.

This is Where the Fish Dies

I’ve been thinking about the debate a lot. I was kind of appalled by Obama’s lackluster performance; this is a man who’s continually spamming people to beg for money…yet he can’t seem to bother to perform at a debate. I wonder why I should fight for him if he won’t fight for us. That aside, I’m pretty sad we’re living in a world where the narrative goes like this: “Sure, Romney lied his ass off…but he did it with PANACHE! Ipso facto–DEBATE WINNER!” I mean, I could loudly and confidently deny the Holocaust. I could do it whimsically, even, with a soupçon of impish sass…but I’m pretty sure that would still make me a gigantic asshole. Ipso facto, Romney is still a gigantic asshole.

The Exaltation of Nedly B., The Polar Bear

Once upon a time, in a faraway waterworld called Bathtubia, there lived a King named Evansbee. His kingdom was inhabited by all sorts of little, colorful animals.

Many thought because of his beguiling good looks that he was a kind king, but he was not. He was a fickle and ruthless ruler, who often showed great favor to some of his animal subjects…while treating others with bewildering cruelty or neglect.

He very much liked Mr. Gill, The Bluefish, and Mr. Prince Froggy of the Pond Crosstheway, too. But his favorite subject by far was Nedly B., the Polar Bear.

While many of his subjects were left to prune and tread water, King Evansbee made sure to give special attention to his favorite animals, often lifting them up out of the water and onto the dry, high cliffs near his throne.

He even offered his favorite, Nedly B., a life preserver, he was so enamored of his shiny, white friend. “You make me smile…and splash wildly, in a silly manner” said King Evansbee.

Which seems well and good, until you consider how he treated the poor peasant Hippo, whom he considered too proud and garishly-colored. “You are orange. This color displeases me. Plus, you have a huge ass. Feel my wrath.”

And so he ate him. “I find you rubbery!” screamed the King.

And his mother did not help or encourage him at all.

Also, everything turned out all right for the Nedly guy.


Tips for Picture Resistance

Tips for Picture Resistance as Illustrated by Busy Toddler WHO CANNOT BE BOTHERED

(Faces obscured to protect the identities of the oppressors innocent.)

1.) When you have a moment to yourself, formulate your plan for sabotage.

2.) Express your displeasure for the idea by making a face as if your captor has just farted.

3.) Confuse the photographer by striking “interesting” poses.

4.) Make sure you have made your feelings of resentment clear.

5.) Physical violence should usually be used as last resort.

6.) You might try giving the world the stinkeye to express your disdain.

7.) You may also try hitting the corner of your eye on a table and adopting a belligerent “We represent the Lollipop Guild” look to scare off the photographer.

8.) If all else fails, but put a damn basket on your head. That’ll show ’em.

Do You Think I’m a Good Photographer? Check “Yes” or “No.”

I wanted to talk a little about the importance of tweaking and properly cropping your photos today. When you take the time to do some artful cropping and make adjustments to brightness/contrast, color, etc., it can mean the difference between a nice photograph and a work of art.

A few steps you may want to take when you upload your photos to your computer, using your photo editor of choice:

  1. Adjust the color, tone, contrast, brightness, etc. Most software will have “Auto” fix solution to improve photo quality. If you want to save time, please make friends with these features. If you want to fiddle more, by all means, tweak the hue/saturation, brightness/contrast, tone, and color. Most photos need a little help, even the good ones.
  2. Crop your photos artfully. This can make a huge difference. It can change and improve the composition of your piece significantly. It can also bring your subject into super-focus, which is what you want. Avoid cropping your photos so that your subject is in the dead center. This tends to make photographs less interesting and artful. There are times when this is untrue, but I find it’s a damn good rule adhere to 90% of the time.
  3. If your photo is not super-grainy, sharpen it.

Now, obviously, if you’re an advanced-level photographer and/or you’ve mastered your software, you can go much farther than I’ve gone here. But this is a great place to start for most hobbyists.

Here are a few photos I tinkered with–I think–to great effect. Alas, I do not have the “Befores” to show you.