Mansplainers and Novelty Girls and Trolls–Oh My!

This LGM thread got predictably and amusingly out-of-control. See if you can spot the mansplainers, novelty girls and trolls. Fun for the whole family!

My take? I read Adria’s account and found her case fairly compelling. Earlier that very day, she’d had an encounter with a man making a n (undeniably, inexcusable) sexually-charged crack. By the time the jokers behind her started making their dick jokes,  it’s clear she’d had it with the dudebro tenor of the conference, and decided to do something about it. It’s understandable, at least to me.

That being said, I find the firings fairly appalling. None of these offenses strike me as fireable offenses…at all. I’m sorry the one dudebro lost his job. That sucks ass, and I wish him well.


THIS. THIS is what I mean.

Most girls, amirite?

Most girls are like, “You fatally wound a vampire by dousing it with holy water because it causes major tissue disruption.” But I’m not like most girls. I’m all like “You fatally wound a vampire by slicing off its head with a silver sword; it’s cleaner and easier, and silver swords are fairly easy to come by in the Valley of Fog and Blood.”

Novelty. Fucking. Girls. *grits teeth*

You are Not a Novelty, Nor Should You Aspire to Be One

What’s a novelty girl? A novelty girl is a girl who proclaims–loudly and often–that she enjoys doing cool stuff. Cool, DUDE stuff. It can be gaming, it can be hunting, it can be collecting comic books, it can be all manner of things, so long as those things are mostly thought of–rightly or wrongly (usually wrongly)– as “dudely” activities.

Why do novelty girls do this? Attention. It’s a way of saying, “Hey, I’m cool. I’m not like those other girls. Who are lame. And don’t do dudely stuff.” It’s a way of getting validation from men. It’s lame.

Why am I writing about this? Well, I watch MSNBC’s “The Cycle.” And my husband happened to notice that one of the hosts, spectacularly annoying ginger, Sippy Cupp, likes to mention that she hunts. But she only mentions this on days that end with “day,” so perhaps I’m being too hard on her.

I noticed  that this was supposed to be a big part of Sarah Palin’s appeal, too. The message seemed to be “Hey, I hunt! I do macho guy stuff. And I’m HOT!!! Also. Too.”

My beef with novelty girling came to a head for me when I was lurking at blog recently and one of the authors mentioned that she was not big into weddings (dreaming of, planning for and such) and that she liked Mystery Science Theater 3000 (“MST3K” for you ultra-hip people who are that into a show that went off the air over a decade ago) a whole lot. This, she reckoned, made her kinda different from most women. This assumption rankled.

Fuck, you like MST3K? Golly gee, you must be the only woman in creation who likes it. Except for, you know, me, a woman who is completely obsessed with it. Who has an MST3K bumper sticker on her car. Who has Rifftrax movies on her desktop. And guess what: WE ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES! At least, that’s certainly my assumption.

As for weddings, I never gave a shit about them. If I dreamed of anything wedding-related as an adolescent, it was a relationship it celebrated–the companionship and romance I thought would come along with an adult “twue wuv” relationship– that captured my imagination. So that’s area number two where the author is not an island. And, frankly, I’m more concerned about this wedding business assumption than I am the MST3K fandom assumption. I imagine there are lots of girls out there who have pretty neat things on their minds, besides weddings.

I guess I am just troubled by a few of the things novelty girling accomplishes:

  1. It assumes that women do not do “dudely” things. Rest assured that if there is a hobby/pastime that is still dudely, there are women out there who are getting into it. Bank on that.
  2. It assumes that the things that prototypcially “girly” are not neat. Bullshit. Lot’s of girly stuff is neat and fun. Not to mention healthy and creative. Say what you will about crafting and scrapbooking, but at least those are egalitarian art forms that allow everyone to get creative. I, for one, think that’s cool as shit.
  3. It is a technique meant to get attention and validation from men. Unless you are a child, you probably should be looking for attention and validation in more healthy ways. Like using your blog to demand people compliment your art.

Don’t Binder Me, Bro!

A few days ago, I  watched a panel of village idiots men head-pattingly dismiss Mika Brzezstillmoreconsonants’ concerns about Mitt Romney’s “binder” comments.

It was infuriating watching the panel reduce the discussion to a condemnation of tumblr blogs. “Oh goodness,” they sighed, pearl-clutchingly. “Isn’t that a silly thing to dwell upon?” But in the end, that’s not what the hubbub was about. People seized upon the “binders” comment because a.) it was funny and b.) it was a perfect summation of Mitten’s dismissive attitude about women in the workforce and pay equality.

Here’s what’s important: Mittens lied about having searched out women to hire. His binder-women were provided to him by a women in public service advocacy group. Furthermore, he didn’t even answer the question. When asked about ensuring pay equality for women, he went off on some tangent about binders and his own hiring practices.  So unless Romney has plans to hire all the women entering the workforce, I have no idea why he felt his answer was at all relevant. To me–and to a lot of other folks–this weird tangent was indicative of a dismissive attitude towards working women. If you don’t understand that, you are irretrievably stupid.

Presents for me, Smut? I'll give you present.

Today in dumb gender essentialism. It’s not the article that offends me (though it makes me grit my teeth a bit, and not just because I have a great arm). It’s comments that make me weep for society.

Default to Chub

Some lazy bloggers rely on videos for entry fodder. Oh gosh, anyone can do that. So I will default to The Chubster. Glory in his chubby goofiness.

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Or I could harsh your mellow with this. “Girlfriend” setting? I’m going to shove a game console up somebody’s butt. Feminism is kicking my ass. I’m not even in the gamer/geek geek-gamer scene, but I keep reading shit like this and watching my blood pressure go ever higher. When will I learn that privileged white dudes ruin every goddamn thing on the planet?

You and I Differ on What “Humor” Means

So, yes, apparently The Youths are “surfing” to this site called Cracked. Actually, since I’m learning about it now, it’s probably been popular for at least a decade. ANYHOO, I decided to peek in on it and see what the fuss was about.

That the site seems aimed almost exclusively at teenage boys didn’t surprise. Hell, I go to any site expecting that. ‘Cuz, you know, young white guys are the default people and anyone else is some weird other. But that it was so glaringly unfunny was kind of a shock.

I made the grave, grave mistake of reading this, and it’s gotten an already crap morning off to a hideous beginning.

This may be the most spectacularly stupid start to a justification for misogyny I’ve ever seen in my life. AND I READ MRA AND WINGNUT BLATHERINGS ON A REGULAR BASIS.

To the women who “can’t understand what the big deal is” and think “guys are such perverts” are audibly sighing right now, please save your comments until women stop obsessing about diamonds. Thank you.

OMF diamond-encrusted God. And, also, is Cracked not only written for 14 year old boys but staffed by them as well?, because holy shit. If you learned everything you know about women from a 15 second Zales commercial, you probably shouldn’t be editorializing about the fairer sex.

The hair-twirling commenters saying some variation of “I’m a girl and I love boobs, too!” make me want to cry.

Anyway, long story short, don’t read Cracked. It’s pretty awful and apparently some guy wrote a thing awhile back telling us ladies that misogyny wasn’t so bad because skyscrapers. No, really.

Go look outside. See those cars driving by? Every car being driven by a man was designed and built and bought and sold with you in mind. The only reason why small, fuel-efficient or electric cars don’t dominate the roads is because we want to look cool in our cars, to impress you. Go look at a city skyline. All those skyscrapers? We built those to impress you, too.


Well, thanks, guys! But slightly less thanks for forgetting that women have had a hand in designing cars and skyscrapers, too.

I’m gonna go vomit up my breffus now.

Chunky Neckbeard Emporium Founder Thinks Calling Women Sluts Is Funny and Necessary

Remind me to quit clicking links in the Gaybortion-o-sphere; it only gets me into trouble.

Speaking of trouble, ladies, don’t get into it. Don’t get into trouble. You know, “trouble.” In other words, keep your fucking legs closed, slut. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Get it? It’s a joke, only it’s not, but it is, but it’s a good joke because the underlying message is good and TRUE, dammit. Why can’t you sluts just keep your legs closed?!

Mark Steyn likes the Aspirin joke because it’s not a joke to him. And if you find it deeply misogynistic, too bad for you, slut.

These are lines about societal views of sex, and, while they’re certainly “antiquated” (in Michael’s word), the response to Mr Friess suggests an attempt to criminalize not the gag so much as the attitude underlying it.

Criminalize it? Oh, if only, Neckenbeardensteyn. Yes, obviously a lot of slutty people–for the purposes of this entry we’ll call them “women”–find it goddamn offensive. Because what it implies is that if women have consequence-free sex, they are sluts, which in Chunkyneckbeardshire is the worst thing you can be. Are you a liar? S’okay. Are you a hypocrite? Grand! Are you a chunkyneckbearded  bully? Throw this man a ticker-tape parade!

Where the slutty Hobbits at?!

A woman Neckenbeardensteyn wishes all the sluts women of the world emulate? The one who said this:

All that Swinging Sixties. It didn’t do anyone any good, did it?

‘Easy sex and the Pill. Marriages were ruined. I never did approve. I never really enjoyed the sex.’

I think it’s the idea that some woman somewhere is enjoying sex that really shrivels the wingnut-o-sphere’s already shriveled Cheetos dust-covered penises. Women are not entitled to sexual fulfillment, full-stop. I’d like to comment on what residents of Chunkyneckbeardshire think about male sexual fulfillment. Oddly, they never discuss it. It’s almost as if a man’s sexual health and fulfillment are not subjects are that up for debate. I wonder why, especially since so many of these cretins seem to think men are little more than primeval rape-machines.

I demand that we start imploring the residents of Rapingshire to…oh, I don’t know…”tuck it in” or “slap it down” or “hack it off with an ax, if it gets too uppity.” You know, UPppity. Come on, THAT’S FUNNY.

Or, we could all move to Actlikeanadultown and recognize that people are sexual and provide them with the proper reproductive care.


More on the Greek Garbler

I read the Poulos pieces. I found them both extremely difficult to understand. When I say that, I don’t mean it a ha ha funny way, I mean I actually found most portions the essays undecipherable. That his writing is pompous and pretentious is obvious, but that it is just plain unreadable is inexcusable. I mean, when I was reading them I kept asking myself stuff like “Am I missing something here?” “Do I need to work on my reading comprehension skills?” “Am I secretly stupid?” “Have I forgotten how to read?” Because–I swear–that mess just came off as something I imagine William F. Buckley writing after huffing some spray paint. It was almost poetry in its own weird, bad way.

SO, I was glad that Crooked Timber weighed in. The relief for me was learning that–assuming the author is correct in his interpretation– when I accidentally stumbled across a decipherable point Poulos was making, I was actually correct in detecting an actual point. Hallelujah! I’m not stupid or insane!

What I thought Poulos was saying in the most labored, pretentious, roundabout way was this:

 Women, being all soft and sensitive and mothery and shit, should act as a civilizing force on men.

According to Poulos, men are brutes, sure, but they are the DOERS in our society. We women? We’re the sitter-backers and supporters of these brutish but brilliant creatures. Men, you go out there and follow your dreams. DO! SEE! CONQUER! CREATE! BE BRILLIANT! And when you get done doing, seeing, conquering, creating and brillianting, we’ll be here to pop out your babies and tenderly mop your brows. So that you may return to the battlefield of  life. A battlefield that’s probably just a little too rough for us nature-bound mother-creatures.

Some astute comments from the CT thread include the observation that someone like Poulos would never think to ask what men are for or what Black people are for, because that would be deeply offensive. But I guess, in the end, we women don’t count as people, so his question is acceptable. Another commenter notes that what Poulos is hinting at is that women should essentially serve as a support staff for men. Put your dreams and ambitions on  hold, ladies–THE MENZ ARE BRILLIANTLY BRUTISHLY BRUTING!

Before I wrap up, I’d just like gently remind people who advocate that women take a passive role in life that you cannot have it both ways. You cannot ask that women do “women’s stuff” and at the same time devalue and denigrate things that are thought of as “woman’s work.” A lot of woman’s work is dreadfully hard, boring, and unrewarding.

It's also never done.

And we do not value it. We do not appreciate it. So perhaps we should we should address that before anything else.

Several Awful Things

I have gaybortifacient marriage, Hitlery birth control, and rapey hippies for you today.

I don’t know what to say about the freakshow I have assembled here this morning. All’s I know is that they make the Jim Rose Circus folks look like a bunch of well-adjusted squares.

Well, I guess I have something to say about Maggie Gallagher.

She seems to be a profoundly unhappy person…who wants to make sure that everybody else is unhappy too. I mean, seriously, could this video make it any more clear that this woman is using the bludgeon of “marriage protection” to work out her own issues? Geez Louise, woman, get thee to a psychologist, STAT.

Oh, and do I need to point out that she was flailing wildly in this interview and lost the debate in a most spectacular way?

Reverend William Dailey is just a horrible, horrible, nasty man with a smackable face who–surprise, surprise– gets far more exorcised about providing birth control than he does  child rape. Dude, if you’re on the winning side of an issue, this kind of florid smugness simply isn’t necessary. It’s clear you’re very angry…and covering that anger up with a villainous smirk won’t fool anyone.


Listen, I realize that because you’re a miserable bastard and no woman would ever want to straddle your polyester-covered thighs, so birth control is a moot issue for you… But for those of us who actually are fuckable, we would prefer not to get saddled with a baby each time we make the mommy-daddy sheetmonster.

Also, this:

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In other bad news, all you Comic Sans-haters? Your reign of tyranny of is over. I, myself, am a renowned anti-Comic Sansist, thus will be going into hiding. I leave you with a Dudeskull picture.

Until we meet again.