What’s Wrong with this Picture?

If you have a gallery at dA or simply enjoy looking at art there, know that at some point during your browsing, you will end up going down a rabbit hole you didn’t want to go down. It just happens. You click on a piece of art you like and  then you see a picture you like less, and inevitably then you end up at a gallery that’s nothing but furry vore. It will happen. I do not search out this stuff, but sometimes it creeps in on my browsing (for art that I genuinely like) and then I’m stuck with the psychic scarring.

Today, I ended up at this spot, a gallery entirely devoted to removing the heads from sexually suggestive pictures of women.

Here’s his bio…be prepared to laugh:

I love cars, women, and having life

He loves women, y’all.

But you know what? It’s cool. Because:


Favorite TV shows: The Big Bang Theory

 

I can’t decide whether this is better or worse than the gallery entirely devoted to showing pictures of hanged women. I guess we can be thankful that this and the aforementioned fetish cannot be combined.

47% Guy has 1000% of My Respect and Admiration

So, the hippy-fag-commie media has been abuzz the past couple of days with the news that the 47% guy has chosen to reveal himself. Yeah, I don’t blame it for being abuzz. I’m abuzz and agog and ahappy: Mitt Romney was brought low by a bartender–a hard-working member of the 47%.


So, the story is fairly extraordinary if you stop there. But the fact that this guy is so incredibly politically shrewd is what has stayed with me. He played this just right. He released the tape and let Romney’s words speak for themselves. The story never became a referendum on Scott Prouty, which is exactly what would have happened had he had a higher profile, or any profile at all. And as disappointed as I am that I have no idea whether he has granite countertops or not, I’m really really thankful he never put himself at the mercy of the wingnut media, which would have done its level best to make this man’s life a living hell.

I’m sure he’s getting death threats as I type this, and a part of me is wishing he’d never revealed himself. But, damn, since he has, I just wanna say “thanks.” Thanks for revealing Mitt Romney and his donors as the bubble-headed sociopaths they really are. Thank you for saving us from a Romney presidency. Because I really don’t think I could have afforded to participate in the mandated “Seersucker Suits and Polo Day”* activities. I don’t even know where to get a polo pony.

*For those smartass commenters who are bound to point out that–duh–I can get what I need at Seersucker and Polo Ponies Discount Emporium, let me just stop you: WE DON’T HAVE ANY IN RHODE ISLAND. So, bite me.

Marshall Law. Martian Law. Marsmallow Law. Jude Law.

Welcome to the grand re-re-re-opening of SKMD. My experiment with depending on other mediums to serve as outlets for my silliness FAILYULD. tumblr doesn’t have a comment system, which is tremendously unsatisfying, and twitter–unless you have a lot of followers who actually give a shit about how INCREDIBLY FUNNY AND TALENTED you are– is basically just like talking to yourself out loud. And that’s something I can do on any street corner.

So, I’m back. Maybe not often. But I need a place to shake out the sillies. I need a place to document funny things, silly things, outrageous things, and all the beautiful thoughts in my beautiful mind (except the stuff about hobo sex; that’s personal). And SKMD is probably the only good place for that.

Here’s something I’ve been obsessing over the past couple days. It’s a wingnut who got his PhD in Goofy Consipiracy Theories.

Obama signed an executive order right before the SOTU.

1. Attack the internet
2. Blame an enemy (China, Iran, N. Korea, right wing etc)
3. Take control of the internet
4. Then a major false flag attack on a city or infrastructure
5. Shut down internet
6. Marshall law

Now, orange you glad I’m back? Would you really want to be going about your day, not knowing about the imminent threat of Obama’s secret Internet attack/False flag/Marshall law plan? No, of course you wouldn’t. My readers are not sheeple!

You are Not a Novelty, Nor Should You Aspire to Be One

What’s a novelty girl? A novelty girl is a girl who proclaims–loudly and often–that she enjoys doing cool stuff. Cool, DUDE stuff. It can be gaming, it can be hunting, it can be collecting comic books, it can be all manner of things, so long as those things are mostly thought of–rightly or wrongly (usually wrongly)– as “dudely” activities.

Why do novelty girls do this? Attention. It’s a way of saying, “Hey, I’m cool. I’m not like those other girls. Who are lame. And don’t do dudely stuff.” It’s a way of getting validation from men. It’s lame.

Why am I writing about this? Well, I watch MSNBC’s “The Cycle.” And my husband happened to notice that one of the hosts, spectacularly annoying ginger, Sippy Cupp, likes to mention that she hunts. But she only mentions this on days that end with “day,” so perhaps I’m being too hard on her.

I noticed  that this was supposed to be a big part of Sarah Palin’s appeal, too. The message seemed to be “Hey, I hunt! I do macho guy stuff. And I’m HOT!!! Also. Too.”

My beef with novelty girling came to a head for me when I was lurking at blog recently and one of the authors mentioned that she was not big into weddings (dreaming of, planning for and such) and that she liked Mystery Science Theater 3000 (“MST3K” for you ultra-hip people who are that into a show that went off the air over a decade ago) a whole lot. This, she reckoned, made her kinda different from most women. This assumption rankled.

Fuck, you like MST3K? Golly gee, you must be the only woman in creation who likes it. Except for, you know, me, a woman who is completely obsessed with it. Who has an MST3K bumper sticker on her car. Who has Rifftrax movies on her desktop. And guess what: WE ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES! At least, that’s certainly my assumption.

As for weddings, I never gave a shit about them. If I dreamed of anything wedding-related as an adolescent, it was a relationship it celebrated–the companionship and romance I thought would come along with an adult “twue wuv” relationship– that captured my imagination. So that’s area number two where the author is not an island. And, frankly, I’m more concerned about this wedding business assumption than I am the MST3K fandom assumption. I imagine there are lots of girls out there who have pretty neat things on their minds, besides weddings.

I guess I am just troubled by a few of the things novelty girling accomplishes:

  1. It assumes that women do not do “dudely” things. Rest assured that if there is a hobby/pastime that is still dudely, there are women out there who are getting into it. Bank on that.
  2. It assumes that the things that prototypcially “girly” are not neat. Bullshit. Lot’s of girly stuff is neat and fun. Not to mention healthy and creative. Say what you will about crafting and scrapbooking, but at least those are egalitarian art forms that allow everyone to get creative. I, for one, think that’s cool as shit.
  3. It is a technique meant to get attention and validation from men. Unless you are a child, you probably should be looking for attention and validation in more healthy ways. Like using your blog to demand people compliment your art.

Gangrenous Friday

After reading this masturbatory tribute to the markets and this example of no good very bad terrible snobbery/douchery, I thought to myself “There has to be some middle ground here.”

I don’t have a problem with the idea of Black Friday: that is, the hoi polloi availing themselves of some admittedly pretty good price breaks so they can get their own Farting Elmo for their fat, spoiled kids.  I’m totally cool with that. The pushing and shoving “Lord of the Flies” atmosphere I’m less cool with. And when stores start opening up on Thanksgiving itself, forcing employees to work on holidays, you’ve lost me.

And knowing crowds passed by striking workers at Wal-Mart so they could stomp on someone’s face in order to be the first to grab Limited Edition “Twilight” 360 with Kinect makes me pretty sad.

So, yeah, there’s lots to find frowny-making about Black Friday, but I’m not sure impugning the motives (which, by the way, you’re not privy to) of serious shoppers  is a great thing. Hell, I used to half-heartedly shop on Black Fridays myself, until I reached my late 20’s and discovered I hate people. I call that epiphany my Festivus Miracle.

I Would Douth Anything for Thanksgiving but I Won’t Douthat. Except that I will.

This column came out a couple of days ago, so that makes it–in blogosphere terms–about as relevant as the Lewinsky scandal; but I had to comment anyway. And trust me when I tell you that Ross Douthat’s little tantrum is even more amusing than cute, chunky chicks getting caught blowing the Prez.
See, Ross is willing to concede that the hive of scum and villainy that makes up the Democratic coalition won the election. Won it fair and square, even. It’s just we should not gloat about it because while we are super-awesome at winning elections, we are also super-awesome at tearing apart the very fabric that holds together this patchwork quilt of Norman Rockwellesque exceptionalism. Think of it this way: the red states–even though they have higher divorce and teen pregnancy rates–are the squares with the Thomas Kinkade cottages on them. The blue states are pretty much nothing but pictures of homosex.  And we are the stinky, jerky thread that’s starting to break, possibly because the Thomas Kinkade squares weigh more than the other squares and also have higher incidences of diabetes. I don’t know. This analogy is not perfect.  Nor did I provide citations, but–guess what–neither did little Rossie. It’s just that all the stuff I said is true and provable. And so is the fact that Ross Douthat is a dumb poopyhead.

My son: not a poopyhead. Bit of a poopybottom.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYBODY!

Question: Am I Drunk Enough to Troll Ted Nugent? Answer: Yes.

I know what you’re all thinking now, and I agree: Yeah, I’m pretty great.

That’s What She Said

I think everyone who reads my blog on a regular basis knows that I watch soaps. And when it was not as much a dying genre, I was pretty serious about “my stories.”  What you may not know is that roughly a decade ago, I wrote a couple of letters to the powers that be at “The Bold and Beautiful.” Now, that’s fandom! Anyway, apparently they were pretty impactful because one of the co-creators of the show called me to discuss my letters. Twice. Which is neat, in a way. But I think it was around that time that I realized that enjoying a show should not take that much work. See, B&B had been going downhill for awhile and the show’s executive producer and head writer seemed bound and determined to make it the shittiest, most misogynistic soap on the air. The target of the show’s misogyny was always fan favorite, Brooke. A lot of us Brooke fans took issue with this. So we often met up online–via email and message boards– to campaign for better storylines and love interests for her. It was constant. It was letter-writing. It was posting on the official message board. It was voting in polls. But often we would say privately “Should getting this show to be watchable be this hard?”

Obama: the Brooke Logan (the one getting crap slapped out of her) of politics

Which brings me to the election. How is this race even close? We had one candidate tell half the country that they were lazy moochers. How is this race not 90%-10% in favor of Obama?

I recently read a terrifically smart comment at BJ, summing up the situation with this astute analogy: Living in the US is like living in an apartment complex where one half of its tenants are constantly trying to burn the building down. Doesn’t that just say it all? And it’s so true. One half of this country is comprised of firebugs. But I can’t tell if they’re arsonists or if they just start the fires while trying to light their farts. Are Americans actively malicious, dumb or just apathetic? I don’t know. All I know that is trying to keep this country from burning to the ground shouldn’t be this hard.

Pearls: Clutched, Couches: Fainted upon

So there’s this new ad out starring dumb-hyperbole-magnet, Lena Dunham.  On the Left and Right, eyes have  rolled, teeth have gnashed, pearls have been clutched and couches have been set aside just for gettin’ the vapahs. So much ado about absolutely nothing.

The ad is cute, funny and innocuous.

But, apparently, there is worry that the spot has a “cult of personality” issue. I expect to hear this kind of silliness from people like Libertarian Fonzi. But when even the panel of the usually-righteously-right-on “Up” panel gets squeamish, I kinda want to bang my head against my desk.

The ad has little to do with the sex; sex is just the set-up for the joke. And the joke is that voting is exhilarating. Every time I’ve voted, I’ve felt proud, like I’ve done my civic duty. I’ve hoped that my one small vote has done something good for the country. So, yes, I come out of the polling booth feeling quite satisfied. I felt that way when I voted for Obama. Not because I’m some Obama fangirl; he just happened to be the vessel for my “Proud ‘Merkan Voter” exhilaration.  And I imagine it’s the same for Lena. If you think differently, I invite you to retire to your fainting couch and STFU.

Don’t Binder Me, Bro!

A few days ago, I  watched a panel of village idiots men head-pattingly dismiss Mika Brzezstillmoreconsonants’ concerns about Mitt Romney’s “binder” comments.

It was infuriating watching the panel reduce the discussion to a condemnation of tumblr blogs. “Oh goodness,” they sighed, pearl-clutchingly. “Isn’t that a silly thing to dwell upon?” But in the end, that’s not what the hubbub was about. People seized upon the “binders” comment because a.) it was funny and b.) it was a perfect summation of Mitten’s dismissive attitude about women in the workforce and pay equality.

Here’s what’s important: Mittens lied about having searched out women to hire. His binder-women were provided to him by a women in public service advocacy group. Furthermore, he didn’t even answer the question. When asked about ensuring pay equality for women, he went off on some tangent about binders and his own hiring practices.  So unless Romney has plans to hire all the women entering the workforce, I have no idea why he felt his answer was at all relevant. To me–and to a lot of other folks–this weird tangent was indicative of a dismissive attitude towards working women. If you don’t understand that, you are irretrievably stupid.