I Would Douth Anything for Thanksgiving but I Won’t Douthat. Except that I will.

This column came out a couple of days ago, so that makes it–in blogosphere terms–about as relevant as the Lewinsky scandal; but I had to comment anyway. And trust me when I tell you that Ross Douthat’s little tantrum is even more amusing than cute, chunky chicks getting caught blowing the Prez.
See, Ross is willing to concede that the hive of scum and villainy that makes up the Democratic coalition won the election. Won it fair and square, even. It’s just we should not gloat about it because while we are super-awesome at winning elections, we are also super-awesome at tearing apart the very fabric that holds together this patchwork quilt of Norman Rockwellesque exceptionalism. Think of it this way: the red states–even though they have higher divorce and teen pregnancy rates–are the squares with the Thomas Kinkade cottages on them. The blue states are pretty much nothing but pictures of homosex.  And we are the stinky, jerky thread that’s starting to break, possibly because the Thomas Kinkade squares weigh more than the other squares and also have higher incidences of diabetes. I don’t know. This analogy is not perfect.  Nor did I provide citations, but–guess what–neither did little Rossie. It’s just that all the stuff I said is true and provable. And so is the fact that Ross Douthat is a dumb poopyhead.

My son: not a poopyhead. Bit of a poopybottom.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYBODY!

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17 thoughts on “I Would Douth Anything for Thanksgiving but I Won’t Douthat. Except that I will.

  1. Bit of a poopybottom.

    Aren’t we all.

    Do you have any of Pierre Franey’s 60-Minute Gourmet cookbooks? It’s like Julia Child, only with one third of the ingredients and one tenth of the time.

    Happy Thanksgiving.

  2. Poor Ross: his silk purses from sow’s ears NEVER turn out right!

    Comments are also comical for their serious delivery of one ruthless pimp-slap after another. Bogus thesis notwithstanding, it’s a bit of a logic pretzel to say that increasing social fragmentation has helped Dems electorally, ergo they better fix that right away … or … or what? Godzilla will awaken & terrorize Seattle? Also: a lot of Yankee Heartland anomie is being driven by what an inept cross between Amway & Scientology so much of conservative culture has devolved into, from mega-churches run by kiddy-diddlers to perpetual punchlines like the NRA & CPAC … so is the Democrats’ “Fixer-Upper Gene” supposed to trigger & inspire them to solve their opponents’ fuckery now?

    PS: Happy Turkey Holocaust!

  3. But it is a judgment on a certain kind of blithe liberal optimism, and the confidence with which many Democrats assume their newly emerged majority is a sign of progress rather than decline.

    Yes, Ross, this is not the blithe optimism of conservatives as it is not as hilariously wrong.

  4. the confidence with which many Democrats assume their newly emerged majority is a sign of progress rather than decline.

    Well, yes, the politicians and supporters of a party do generally tend to look favourably upon votes cast for that party, and become optimistic when the votes total up to a majority, rather than regard those votes as a sign of decline and try to persuade the electorate to cast them for the opposing party instead.
    I understand that Douthat is a catholic or something, but even so he should realise that not everyone hates themselves and looks down on their own principles.

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