Tales of Brave Morons/ "Piking Myself" Becomes the Hot New Phrase All the Kids Use…with Their Skinny Jeans and Their Starbucks Coffee

Last night I made something nearing indescribably delicious. It was short ribs, carrots and leeks braised (ok, slow-cooked) in soy sauce, fresh ginger, sherry, and beef broth…a take on Chinese red-cooked ribs, I’m sure.  It was a pretty straightforward recipe, so when the ribs were done, I decided to ‘zazz it up with some accoutrements. I strained the braising liquid, defatted it, and reduced it over high heat ’til it was about 1/3 of its original amount. I then added some lime juice, and topped the ribs (and some rice noodles) with the reduced sauce and finely sliced scallions, cilantro and…jalapeno pepper.

Jalapeno…my old nemesis…we meet again

I washed my hands, like, 5 times last night. Still managed to Pike myself about 3 times, though.

I am a moron.

I should probably start de-seeding with a small spoon instead of my fingers, huh?

You. You there. Post-pubescent hipsters. You’re why people hate Apple. 

Oh, and BTW, speaking of skinny jeans and damage to the eyes…I have to say this: I still maintain that they are horrible. And they look horrible on everyone. Here is a list of people skinny jeans look horrible on:

  1. Fat Women
  2. Skinny Women
  3. Fat Men
  4. Skinny Men
  5. Men
  6. Women
  7. Humans
  8. Moose

In short, do not wear them. You’re Piking my eyes…and my heart.

Hey, do I sound about 5 quaternalianjillion light years old? Awesome. That’s just what I was going for.


21 thoughts on “Tales of Brave Morons/ "Piking Myself" Becomes the Hot New Phrase All the Kids Use…with Their Skinny Jeans and Their Starbucks Coffee

  1. I couldn't sleep. I guess with MS remission doesn't mean everything goes back to normal. I'm not complaining. Just sayin' cause NOW—FIRST!!! Ha-ha. Always wanted to say that but I live on the West Coast and get up later than most people who have jobs. Your description of dinner made my mouth water. I'm eating it in my head. Now, I love me some fresh jalapenos and serranos in a pico de gallo so much that it kind of blows it for me to have Mexican food without it. I would kill for a Taco Cabana in Salem. The burning of flesh and eyes is daunting, sometimes. Once, my hands were burning while making pico de gallo so badly that I tried a lot of stuff in the kitchen that all made it WORSE until I plunged them into a bowl full of milk. Hot stuff—acid. Milk—base. Fortunately they did not combine to make a deadly mustard gas, but the whole experience was horrible enough to make me respect them more out of fear.Now, I use Safegrip Microflex gloves for wet work around the house, and have a pair set aside (and marked) just for handling hot peppers. The gloves are thick but they fit so perfectly that they don't bother me like gloves with a thicker skin, yet they are tough as hell. I've been wearing one pair for the blitzwaschen of 2011 while seriously scrubbing walls and using brass brushes and metal scrubbies— heavy, heavy cleaning—and that pair looks good as new. I wash the gloves like I'm washing my hands with the gloves on, then I take them off and throw them on the dish rack to dry. Water doesn't get inside the gloves when I'm up to my elbows in sudsy water. The gloves are strong enough so I can pull them off from the tips to keep the gloves right side out and there aren't any signs of wear and tear at all on them. This box of 50 should last me years. I love industrial strength stuff— not the chemicals, but the tools. I have a really impressive set of professional cleaning equipment. I do go on don't I. They are a very vivid blue which makes it harder even for ME to forget and rub my eyes with them while they're covered with the juice of twenty hot peppers.I ordered them from U-line when I ordered the heavy duty spray bottles and my mop bucket with the wringer (an already beloved object.) I heart them because all the other gloves I've tried either got holes in them within an hour or made me feel like I was being tortured with sensory deprivation. It's an a.d.h.d. thing.Everybody is a little a.d.d. sometimes. The brain just doesn't stay on a single beam all day every day for anybody. But that's no excuse to wear clothing that looks like crap on you just because it's in fashion.

  2. I didn't "wise up" until I suffered nearly traumatic pain. I was on the verge of sobbing before I thought of the milk,I was scraping the seeds out with my fingers. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. It was raw animal hurt that made me pay attention. It's not like that was the first time I suffered at the hand of a jalapeno either. The fact that I didn't hurt myself just as much again is testimony to how bad it was. I usually make the same mistake at least twice. I call that "not learning".

  3. That recipe looks super YUM!!! I'll have to try it sometime, I'm thinking everyone (except Massimo-who hate everything) might eat it!Again, I agree with you about the skinny jeans. :)((HUgs))Laura

  4. What? No sesame oil? SHAN'T…I found a package of goat meat on sale for $1.99/lb, so I bought it and made a freekeh pilaf with, obviously, freekeh (a smoky parched green wheat product- kinda like bulghur's freaky- heh- brother). I sauteed diced onions, serrano peppers, carrots, and garlic in a mixture of olive oil and rendered lamb fat (from a breast of lamb I'd roasted a while ago, then added cumin, coriander, paprika, black pepper, and a hint of cinnamon to spice things up, then threw in some green peas, the boiled freekeh, and the stewed goat. I was in the mood for something Middle Eastern, and this really scratched the itch.

  5. What? No sesame oil? SHAN'T…Short ribs are so fatty…and sesame oil is such a strong flavor, I felt like using it would be gilding the lily. But, I may sneak some in next time I make these. And I most assuredly will…because even though it's just a humble FN recipe, it's a great base recipe to use.

  6. Did you use fresh, frozen, or other green peas, B^4?Confession Time: I love canned peas. I do. I will eat them straight out of the can. Of course, I'm a veggie lover…and I love fresh and frozen peas too. YUM!

  7. One little drop of sesame oil. Just ONE little drop. It's wonderful. I love the aroma as much as the taste. I would go as far as to say on the beautiful aroma scale it ranks right up there with chocolate, in my estimation.

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