The thing that surprises me about Newt’s surge in the polls is that it took him this long to catch on. Honestly, I thought he was a perfect fit for the GOP candidacy from the get-go. I mean, he’s incredibly mean, nasty, arrogant, hypocritical, he scapegoats the media, and he’s not particularly bright. BUT he has the sheen of intellectualism covering him. Even the dumbest, most craven, blood-lusting wingnut knows that their candidate ultimately has to be electable. And let’s be very clear about 2 things:
|Evil Gnome, Newt Gingrich|
1.) They are not rejecting Mitt Romney because he’s not conservative enough; he’s plenty conservative. Plus, he’d literally push his own mother off a cliff to appease the Teabaggers. The reason they don’t like him is because he’s not mean enough. He doesn’t sneer enough at people who disagree with him. He doesn’t act like a rabid dog when he’s forced to answer tough questions. Right or wrong, Teabaggers and the Teabagger-adjacent want their candidate to be tough. They love mindless bluster and “I’ll show those liberals (even though I’m wrong about everything or breathtakingly stupid/ignorant)” swagger.
2.) The Teabaggers aren’t dropping Michelle, Rick and Herman because they’re clownish, hateful and ill-informed. To Teabaggers, these are features, not bugs. No, they’re dropping them because they know the rest of America, the America that is generally good-natured but not particularly engaged, will find these walking colostomy bags a little, um, off-putting.
So here’s Newt: He’s the WHOLE PACKAGE. Sure, he’s got shitloads of baggage. But, dammit, that man is one loathsome, sneering, snide, ill-informed ASSHOLE. AND he can sound smart. He makes bad cases for bad policy, but he does it confidently, articulately and convincingly. And that’s all that matters to the base. It’s all about appearances. I say he’s their savior. I say he’s the great. pasty, smarmy, smug, nasty, White hope.
Oh, Newt. I hope you win the nomination. WE WILL FINISH YOU.