How Normal People Do

Reading the Twitter feed #mencallmethings (which documents the insane verbal abuse women bloggers suffer)– and the reaction to it by women-hating festering ass-boils– is the kind of thing that tends to get me down. This is a bad thing for me, ‘cuz I deal with low-grade depression pretty much all the time. Sometimes after I dip my toes into the fetid waters of wingnuttery and misogyny, I have to remind myself about how normal people interact. For instance, I have to remind myself that the vast majority of men are not the kind of people who would threaten to rape a woman with a chainsaw.

Here’s a cozy little scenario: This past weekend, hubby and I–along with my father and mother-in-law– went to a cheesy chain that serves horrible wings to play trivia. The game questions ranged from Where does Hammurabi’s code come from? to What was the theme song from M.A.S.H? It was Boys vs. Girls. A couple rounds into it, hubby and I started ignoring his parents, because they were, well, useless. He has 3 Masters Degrees. I never finished college. I won 2 games, he won 2. I would have won a third, but lost it on the last question and he snuck up behind me with a 1000-point finish.

There are 2 things you should take away from this story: 1.) I’m smart as a fucking whip (also great at games–all kinds), and you’d do well to remember that. 2.) THIS IS HOW NORMAL PEOPLE ACT. See, hubby and I were just having fun. At no point did I feel as if I were representing every person who identifies as female.  At no point did hubby act surprised I was doing so well. We didn’t denigrate each other. We didn’t trash talk each other. (Although I enjoy a bit of good-natured trash-talk once in awhile.) It was just a couple of people, who happened to be a man and a woman, having a pleasant time.

This is how most men and women interact. I gotta take a deep breath and remind myself of that once in awhile.

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32 thoughts on “How Normal People Do

  1. We are lucky aren't we? I've always hated the worst in men, but loved their best and average-ness. My mate and I are good to each other, we laugh every day, we negotiate. We don't say things to each other for the purpose of wounding. My ex-husband, though…some male horshite in that relationship. Had one abusive boyfriend which was a complete aberration for me, because none of my other boyfriends ever so much as raised their voices to me.The sexism in a lot of ostensibly progressive blogs is depressing. Libertarians? Ew, boy, some serious macho hang-ups.

  2. i have resisted visiting that site, not just because I've got no tweeter account, but because I know it will de-stabilize my beautiful mind.And then I would be reduced to muttering the classic line from Girl In The Gold Boots: "I wish I had my pretty mind back. "

  3. The sexism in a lot of ostensibly progressive blogs is depressing. Libertarians? Ew, boy, some serious macho hang-ups.Oooooooooooooh, yeah. And I've been devastated to learn there's a fair amount of this kind of epic assholery in the atheist/skeptic community. I feel so naive. Until a few months ago, I honestly thought "those types" of men "could never" be misogynists. God, I was dumb.

  4. Apparently Identity Politics is a bad thing. Until US sitcoms include some male characters who are amusing, or boys stop doing so well at school because the education system has evolved to reward learning rather than arseholery… I am then expected to rally to the cause of Male Solidarity, and take the lowered status of any male real or imaginary as a personal attack on myself.People are weird.

  5. excellent post…vs. i've been in retail or jobs that involve lots of interaction with people and i am always, always amazed at some of them…the kinds of comments on those blogs always take me aback because i am always expecting the best of people…and when that type of thing is their best…eh…i don't know what to do with it…my faith in humanity is often on the shoals…but then again, can be restored with the tiniest of gestures…i think i mostly get weirded out because hubbkf is (to use one of your terms) amazeballs…he's a smartass to be sure, but he has never once put me down or tried to humiliate or harm me…and i never have to him either…have i mentioned that i am the only one in my family with their original spouse?

  6. It is difficult to have much to do with humans when they insist on being stupid. All you can do is hold up your end and raise your boy not to have that BS in him. A good start is to teach him how advertising is supposed to work.

  7. Some people are just dicks-Men and women. I had another blog before the piece of crap I'm running now. (don't get too excited, it was basically the same shit different domain name)..Anyhow… there was this old man that started visiting it. It all started out OK. He could be a bit abrupt and wasn't afraid to tell me if he thought I was wrong… all OK. Then he became abusive.Called me selfish for being a stay at home mom and a lot of other REALLY bad names. (yep, the "c" word was typed by his hand)I put on comment moderation. I didn't read the comments, would delete them. Finally it even began to bother me that he was READING my blog so, I deleted it. He basically made my life SO miserable that I was forced to run away, make a new profile and start over (after a few months of laying low and licking my wounds).Why do people have to be so mean and horrible???((Hugs))Laura

  8. All I know of that debate is what I learned from TPM, which is that Cain (a) does not believe that the "court of public opinion" is the right way to choose a president; (b) has not been accused of sexual harassment by far more people than those who have accused him; and (c) is worried about the administration "putting stuff in the caboose".I also learned that Rush Limbaugh has bestowed upon himself the title of "Grand Wizard" of the Republican party.

  9. I was going to have clouds put all youse's sadlynaughts links on my blogroll when it occurred to me that I should probably ask first, huh?O.K. I'm askin'— can I put links to your sites on my blogroll?i've been in retail or jobs that involve lots of interaction with people and i am always, always amazed at some of them… zomg. I have been thinking much about telling the story of my last graveyard shift waiting tables at Denny's. I'm a savin' it fer muh blog.

  10. BTW, vs., it's not "dumb" to assume the best of some people, it's just too often disappointing and can lead to learning the hard way. It's not that you can't trust anybody, but that you can't trust everybody, even when you've narrowed that "everybody" down to one demographic.

  11. can I put links to your sites on my blogroll?I see that Another Kiwi has linked from Riddled to Wileywitch not once but twice, so I figure that no-one will complain if you link back to Riddled in return. One link will suffice.

  12. Great post vs. If you can let us know what some of those depressing blogs are, I for one will go and try to rain on that parade!I do not have the constitution to brave the actual man-o-sphere, Rachel. I get a lot of my info secondhand from places like man boobz, feministing, Tiger Beatdown and a couple other feminist-leaning blogs…although mostly just man boobz, because I tend to get overwhelmed and depressed if I immerse myself too much in that stuff. I'll hook you up with the links if you need 'em. Smut must be beautiful unique Smut and that is all.Smut is a special guy. An enticingly high forehead…plus when Mother Nature was handing out senses of humor, he stood in line 3 times and got extra helpings. He's THAT FUNNY. Lucky bastard.

  13. BTW, vs., it's not "dumb" to assume the best of some people, it's just too often disappointing and can lead to learning the hard way.Yeah, I know. It's just that sometimes my naivete can really cause me grief.

  14. He basically made my life SO miserable that I was forced to run away, make a new profile and start over (after a few months of laying low and licking my wounds).So he was successful in shutting you up, which is exactly what these ass-boils are after. It's sickening. I really glad you came back to blogging.

  15. i think i mostly get weirded out because hubbkf is (to use one of your terms) amazeballs…he's a smartass to be sure, but he has never once put me down or tried to humiliate or harm me…and i never have to him either…This the precisely the kind of thing that makes me think that misogynists are operating in some different universe. This hatred of each other is NOT THE NORM.

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