Emo Cooking

First of all, I want to apologize to all of you who clicked thinking you’d be learning about “Emu Cooking.” I will not be discussing cooking emus. I’m pretty sure cooking emus is at best difficult and at worst illegal.
No, I made Chicken Cacciatore yesterday. It was delicious. (Natch.) And while you monsters were laughing at your puns and jokes and cruelly withholding recipes from me, I was injuring myself grievously. I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY.
 Greased Frightening 
a Serious Poem by vacuumslayer
Didn’t have Pancetta
Bacon renders its fat
Splat, splat, splat
All over my wrist
The cruel bitch mother
Bacon grease

                                                     The sauce tastes of my suffering

My soul, my blood is in this dish
Wait, that sounds 
Really disgusting
What I’m saying is
I’m a moron and a big glob 
Of smoking hot bacon fat
Landed on my wrist and it hurt
Like a motherfucker
Bacon grease
Peace, out. *Mic drop*

29 thoughts on “Emo Cooking

  1. Cooking bacon IS a bitch. I got a spark in my eye the other day. It won't stop me from frying up more however… :)That looks very painful! Good thing you were wearing the black polish. It makes it look even more sore. ((Hugs))Laura

  2. Chicken catch-a-tory, emu catch-a-tory: Same deal, just tweak the ingredients & times proportionately.People, people: Bacon in the microwave! Even someone who lives on air knows that.OT, is Mr. Slayer going to be teaching in Newport?

  3. I used to work in a deli, and we'd make a hundred egg sandwiches a day. We'd start the bacon in the oven, half-cook it and render the fat out, then finish it on the griddle, under a bacon press.Oddly enough, I don't consume much bacon, and when I do, I usually buy slab bacon.

  4. This may very well not come as a great surprise, but I often find myself cooking without trousers.The bacon tends to be both an educational experience and a cautionary tale, all at once.But sometimes it's not the foodstuff itself, but rather the cooking vessels in combination with the methodology. This can lead to terrifying and physically debilitating results:http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=91765400549&set=a.61490150549.86698.602095549&type=3&theaterFucking Bulghur is sort of evil.

  5. Whoa. Is it just me, or is it a lot less pink of all a sudden?I rate for bacon in the oven. Lay out your rashers on a baking sheet. I usually set the rack at the second highest position and broil low. Flip 'em shortly after you can hear and smell teh cooking – with "shortly" defined by how thick your meat is sliced and how crispy you like your bacon. Turn off the broiler before their done – pour off some bacon fat into your fry pan – return to warm oven. They'll easily keep hot until you're done frying your eggs.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s