A New Metric by Which Goodness Is Measured

Pookietronic has created a new metric by which Goodness is measured. His metric takes into account the following things:

  1. Is the thing a thing?
  2. Is it not covered in something horrible-tasting?
  3. Can I fit it in my mouth?

If something meets all 3 criteria (s?) (on?), it is “Good.” If not, it is not bad, so much as “not worth paying attention to.”

The more put-in-mouthable a thing is, the gooder it is.

If you are over the age of 5, I do not recommend using this metric. If the boss comes in and finds you putting things like staplers and penises in your mouth, s/he might find it less-than-adorable.

The Goodness Metric should only be used by people who are this cute:

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30 thoughts on “A New Metric by Which Goodness Is Measured

  1. Hewwo, my wittle pookie-wookie-kins! You would be so good with a strawberry glaze. Yes, you would! Yes, you would my little pookie-wookie-kins! You would be good with a strawberry glaze, wouldn't you? Shake your head "yes." That's it, shake your head "yes." My wittle pookie-wookie-kins in a strawberry glaze. Mmmmm. Strawberry glaze. Mmmm. Do you like strawberry glaze, my pookie-wookie-kin? Yes, you do. Yes you do.

  2. It's amazing that all babbies still put everything they can into their mouths. You would think that this would be a detrimental trait, one that we'd have evolved out of teh species. I mean it's not liek early hominids had particularly good hygiene or were particularly diligent about putting dangerous items behind child-proof locks.I already can no longer count teh number of times I've requested that Ultra Ninja refrain from eating things – plastic flowers, bum creams, teh still beating heart of her enemies, my bourbon, &c. And as a highly educated professional, I can count pretty darned high. Even with my shoes on.

  3. oh man….another cuteness photo op…that's it, make me love short people whom I swore off decades ago.BTW..my son's birthday was yesterday All Hallows Eve..bear in mind that he was supposed to come into the world in December! But I am glad he picked a well-known day as I suck at remembering birthdays n shit. 😉

  4. BTW..my son's birthday was yesterday All Hallows Eve..bear in mind that he was supposed to come into the world in December! But I am glad he picked a well-known day as I suck at remembering birthdays n shit. 😉HAPPY BIRFDAY TO Dusty Jr.!!!!

  5. He sat in a fucking tree all day in Okla-friggin-homa. I hope he froze his ass off, and I do know he didn't get what he was going for..just thought I should add this after visualizing the horror on all yer readers faces. Gotta get ready for da show.

  6. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY SHEEEEEEEEEEET. That is horrifying. Who thought that was a great idea? Sheesh. Been a minute since I visited Cake Wrecks. First time I read it, I laughed so hard I cried.

  7. It made me think of McCarthy's "The Road". If you've read it, you know exactly which part I mean.If you haven't, well there's just one of those things you have to try to un-know…

  8. To get him to eat veggies, darling, what you do is garden. When he's old enough, he can plant some radishes. It won't take them too long to grow, so he won't lose all patience and say "fuck it!". The veggy he is statistically likely to favor is green beans. But he's never going to eat any green beans, become I'm going to cook him while he's still te—Good heavens! What has come over me? Did you know that if you slice radishes into coins the thickness of two quarters then saute them on low heat with olive oil, the "hot" flavor will leave them and they will have a taste half-way between turnip and potato, with a tender, creamy texture?Hide him! Hide him!

  9. That sounds SO YUMMY (and good for you). I've always found radishes to be underrated and wanted to find ways to use them outside of salads. I actually found a curried radish recipe which I will try one of these days.

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