Granted, They Are Not Slaying Vacuums, But I Still Like Them OK

I watched “Priest” last night. Here are 5 reasons you should too.

  1. Paul Bettany is possibly the best-looking albino on the planet. 
  2. It is sci-fi/horror, and every movie diet should include this wonderful sub-genre. It’s like movie roughage–you just gotta have it!
  3. It is set in a dystopian future which–NATURALLY–includes crowded, dank, dark, claustrophobic cities. If you are a sucker for this particular aesthetic, it’s worth the price of admission for that alone. Seriously, it’s just a GREAT-LOOKING film. 
  4. It is tight, entertaining and pretty to look at. There is not a second wasted. 
  5. Unlike many good guy vs. bad guy films, there are not many moments when you fear for the hero. It’s pretty clear he’s a serious badass who will vanquish anyone who crosses him. I, for one, find his unquestioned superiority at kicking ass refreshing. Others may find it banal. 

Super Special Neat-O Meta Bonus Reason: One of the vampires’ first victims is played by Stephen Moyer. You know, Vampire Bill on True Blood.

Super Special Neat-O Meta Bonus Reason for Cranky Zombies:  This movie is not about zombies, which makes it inherently inferior to those featuring zombies.

OK, number 4? That’s also its flaw. It’s based on a graphic novel, so I’m sure condensing it for movie form was difficult. That sort of thing always is. But while I appreciate a film so tight no light can escape it, I really, really would have enjoyed more backstory. There are many questions I would like to have had answered. Out of context, asking them here would leave the reader as clueless as he began so there’s no sense doing it. 

I also think the film suffers from a lack of depth. I mean, I know Priest is a haunted ass-kicking machine with a serious, call-your-physician boner for killing vampires, but why? Yes, of course, he’s out to save his niece and, yes, he was a veteran of decades-long vampire war, but I still need more than that. (I guess this ties in with the my backstory complaint, though I’m referring more to emotional motivators here.) I feel like Priest suffered from the same fate 300 did–a lot of it was just really pretty–which I appreciate!!!– surface gloss; where’s the emotional depth?

Also too, listening to
Paul Bettany trying to affect an American accent was kind of amusing.


3 thoughts on “Granted, They Are Not Slaying Vacuums, But I Still Like Them OK

  1. Ok, sure, but what about guns? And improvised explosives?The reason we are so fond of Zombies is, duh, GUNS. If we're stuck with the old "you can't shoot vampires blah blah blah" canon all the hand to hand and edged weapons gets totally over the top as you have to have people defying the laws of physics out of shear boredom.I'm gonna take the position that a vampire is going to have trouble dealing with grenades. Now if we can just get that into vamp canon…

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