News: I’ll Soon Be Single

Moar news: Hope any potential swains are down with conjugal visits

Don’t make me go Face-Ripper Monkey on you

See, I had this day planned. I was going to get my nails done (which is not particularly fun, because they are fake–it’s not like getting a manicure), run a couple of errands and…here’s the good part…get a massage. But I was so looking forward to this day because it meant a few hours of just me time. So I wake up this morning to find out, no, not only do I not get to do these things but I am being left alone to tend to the baby. I really feeling like murdering someone. This is is not how I saw this going. I know this is usually a humor blog, but I am genuinely crestfallen, and I just feel beaten down. Literally. See, I never get a chance to stretch after exercising, because there’s always a bottle to make or a diaper to change or baby to calm RIGHT NOW. Plus, I have back issues from my unnatural love of the computer/Photoshop, and lugging around a baby who does not self-entertain a lot. Also there’s this. There’s really no part of my body that is not in pain by the end of every week. I needed this for many reasons. And now…this week will end in MUH-DAH!

Hope I look good in orange.


15 thoughts on “News: I’ll Soon Be Single

  1. Ok, well, I haven't had serious trouble with John Law since the mid '90s, but I've spent a fair share of my time a guest of the County or State, so I can offer you advice.But mainly, and I could see this evolution happening throughout the nineties, jails and the penitentiary have changed in a lot of ways, absolutely none for the better. So I actually think most of the 'old' advice would be dead wrong now. The population is younger, stupider and much more violent than it used to be. People inside KNOW they'll be coming back again and again, as opposed to the earlier times when we KNEW, each and every time that we were NEVER coming back. It's a sort of subtlety, but it reflects a mindset that being incarcerated isn't such a bad thing, it's more your life's work, just as it was your dad's and your uncle's and your big brother's, so there's a lot less of what the corrections peeps like to call 'deterrence'.The guards are different, too. They're 'professional' now, but that's not necessarily a good thing. They are serious gym rats, and do a LOT of steroids. They are encouraged by the leadership to 'maintain control', which means physical dominance, and when they go a little overboard with that they are protected by a POWERFUL union. There is a lot of budget cutting, which means worse food, less entertainment, more spartan amenities and more people in less space.So I guess my advice is, if you're going to do it, plan it good and either disappear or frame somebody. Or poison. Sometimes poison's a pretty good solution…

  2. Very sorry about your bad luck.On the upside: this should be good for at least TWO "me days" in the near future!Just show Mr. Slayer the zomkitteh, then make the same kind of eyes. I'm sure he'll get the idea.

  3. And just so you know, I would never be bothered to make the trip all the way to the state penn for NON-conjugal visit. That made me smile. *HUGS*BTW, I've informed Mr. Slayer I'm taking the rest of the day off to whatever the fuck I want. Aaaaaaaaaaaah. Also, UPDATE, I am taking the "good" away from "news," cuz it's presumptuous to think anyone would give a fuck.

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