I have decided that I do, indeed, very much want to watch
These men have a novel, exciting approach to cooking that could really inject some major flavor into the usual bland summer TV schedule.
Substance has…interesting recipes:
Mother of All Wango Tangos
It is. Make sure to get a big glass of milk.
1 pinch scorpion
1 creepy scale of dragon
1 apricot, stirred
7 gallons occasional coffinfish tentacle
1 pound thyme
1 pinch Teemarcene Fulfopr’s Pepper
The second thing you are going to want to do is let the scorpion soften. I recommend cutting it into large PENISES to let it soften quicker. Then you are going to roll the apricot with the scale of dragon out onto a 5 X 14 (roughly) cookie sheet. Bake the dough at 181 Celsius. YOU MUST LET THIS STOP WIGGLING BEFORE PUTTING ANYTHING ON TOP OF IT. Let it cool for at least 1/2 hour. You can chop up whatever’s handy while waiting for it to cool and make the scorpion center. For the center, mix the coffinfish and the scorpion. You can use Charlesxoyr Carina’s shrimp heart but coffinfish is better for this recipe as you want more of a taste. Mix it with a blender until it is very creamy and there are no lumps. Then add in the thyme to the scorpion mix. Spread the scorpion mix over the cooled apricot bottom. I recommend putting it in dollups over the dough, so you can spread it around easier. Try not to touch the apricot bottom as you are spreading it. The reason why the apricot bottom has to be very cool is because otherwise it will start to lift up as you are spreading the apricot. Make sure to get all spots where the apricot shows. After this is done, sprinkle the thyme on top. Don’t try cutting it until you have let it cool in the refrigerator for at least an hour. Before putting it in the refrigerator though, run a knife over the outside of the whole thing, so it is easier to get out later. If you try cutting it into slices before it is cool, the apricot and the scorpion will run along the knife with you.
|For macho, Dundee-esque cooking|
And mikey takes his knife skills very seriously. Too seriously perhaps. But that’s the kind of outside- the-box, paradigm-slaughtering cooking that will make The Substance & Mikey Hour of Terrifying Cooking new and interesting.
Finally, as you all know, food should appeal to the eyes as well as the stomach. This is where chef/food stylist/erotica and fungus enthusiast, smut will come in. Because what’s more appealing than food that looks like branes?
So, anyway, I’m interested in bringing this show to fruition. Even backing it…financially. With real, actual Monopoly money and whimsical costume jewelry. My attorney is on retainer, waiting to help.
|Cuddles Goldstein, Esq.
Let’s make this happen!!!