Important Headlines I Made Up

Is It Easter Where You Are?

If not, it may be because Aslan, the Jesus-Lion is being held captive by a crazy New Zealander.  Everybody knows that Easter cannot happen until Aslan, the Jesus-Lion is free to frolic in fields of heavenly-scented marigolds and then poops out the sacred Peep. (Fun fact: if you Google “peep” and do not specify “marshmallow,” you probably won’t be surprised by some of the images that peep up.)

How do I know so much about Easter? Read about it in the bible. Which bible? The goodest one. My favorite part is the all the hot gay sex.

UPDATE: Aslan’s captor finds this!

I think it ties everything together nicely.

Slay the Green Dragon of Censorship!

I am blogrolling this dude out of spite. Not to spite him, but THE MAN. In solidarity, I’d also like  my blog to attract the attention of robot censors. Right now, the most offensive thing about my little journal is the spelling and grammar. But that could turn on a dime! If you have any ideas how I can make this blog more offensive, let me know! And, no, I will not be featuring stills from Tribbles Gone Wild: Hot Cancun Nights, so you can put that idea right out of your pervy heads.

UPDATE: That guy’s blog is showing up in my blogroll as this: Blogger: Content Warning. Which is a pretty great blog name, I’ll grant you…but the fact that it won’t float and it won’t update the entry seems kinda shitty to me. 

Baby Vampires Do Exist

I know. I was one.

Toofs? I think not!
Proof!
Can’t wait for my next fix!
Sometimes…it’s…just…too…bright.

Now, this is no cause for panic. For most babies, vampirism is a passing phase. Besides, they are easily defeated with a robust shaking* or a distracting jingling of keys.

*Do not do this.

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56 thoughts on “Important Headlines I Made Up

  1. fetch me that ottoman, bring me a cool beverage and start fanning me? I'm parched and hot.You have apparently confused "blue collar" with "abject slavery".Understandable, the way the Legislators refer to it these days.

  2. You have apparently confused "blue collar" with "abject slavery".Understandable, the way the Legislators refer to it these days. Yeah, vampires and Republicans are like that. That being said…I'm still waiting.

  3. I'm parched and hot.heh. I may be working (ostensibly) but it is mild and sunny here, and I have a big bottle of cheap white wine. I would share it if you were near. And, you know, if you weren't all spawning and such as.

  4. Oh hell, I just discovered Netflix has all the Fawlty Towers on streaming.Just imagine that the Zombie Happy Dance is VERY SIMILAR to Zombie Sorry Dance.In any case, I can use my Zompad to watch eps while playing with colored markers at my light table….Yanno, laughing lubricates the creative process. Almost as much as alcohol.

  5. Doesn't work. 😦The laziest course of action (and therefore the one which I endorse) is to check Mick Farren's blogroll and find other people who are linking to him, and see which links they use.

  6. I will do that, Smut. zrm, I've actually never watched "Fawlty Towers." Re: the model…yes, the actual model–even before I manipped and painted her was/is very gothy/grungy/punky/hip/alternative™.Things I'm far too lazy to be. (Also she is very gracious and sweet about all the stuff I used her in–a great model!)

  7. OK, I am offended because I lost all pics of myself when I was cute (50+ yrs. ago).And damnit, I've screwed myself (& poor Mick) by dicking about w/ my bog-roll, which now has the same problem.It was just fine, indeed, unlike clicking in GooReader, it even went straight to DOC40 w/o the WARNING page, I assume because I've had it in there for a yr. or two. Maybe Goo would have changed it eventually. Now I can't even change the name to indicate where it links.The real problem is the "Report Abuse" button that only takes one ass-wipe to click. Donald E. Douglas, are you listening? Don't tempt us.Last time I try to help anybody, ever, you hear!!

  8. Correction: I was, on a second attempt, at least able to change the name to DOC40. Still no feed. I think Google may be hearing from me. I happen to know where the Goog offices in Santa Monica are. Hope their windows are brick-proof. Bastards!

  9. M., maybe if enough of us write into Bugger we can get them to uncensor this guy. zrm, I dig red hair, too. It's always striking. Except on Carrot Top. Then it's just horrifying.

  10. OK, no, wait. Thought I'd removed the working one but I didn't; it still works. The content warning/no feed one is the very same URL.Well, that'll be a good way to catch Goo-Goo in their fascist inconsistency.

  11. I think I see what you're saying: The glaring lack of Fawlty Towers in my life is, in and of itself, offensive.well, yes.Didn't want to say it so plainly, and cause you to need another fainting couch. Your flat must be fairly littered with them by now.

  12. Althouse pants? Damn, man. You just made my naughty parts sad. What's a bleg?I giggled at the fainting couch comment…truth be told, I do all my fainting on REGULAR couches! And I'm rarely wearing pearls–I'm clutching AIR!

  13. OK, no, wait. Thought I'd removed the working one but I didn't; it still works. The content warning/no feed one is the very same URL.With cookies saved, MB's link (i.e. the Doc40 name without appendages or suffices) goes straight through to the page in question.When I hurled my cookies, clicking on the link leads to the evil content-advisory page turns up with its minatory gestures. The idea seems to be that anyone foolish enough to follow MB's recommendation will see the advisory on the first occasion, and then not.BUT anyway, MB's content-feed widget still works fine even without cookies. Perhaps he has installed some state-of-the-art Snippet widget to do his blogroll such as is unknown in benighted parts of the down-under world.

  14. Honestly I'm shocked none of you guys have given me any pointers on how to make my blog more offensive. Did you ever ponder the options available for home made chem/area denial weapons? I'm talking aerosolized EasyOff oven cleanter, Chlorox bleach in the misters (and the misses) and deer urine (you actually can buy it by the pint) to attract local predators.Tell me THAT'S not offensive!!!

  15. VS, stick with what you know. Offensive is not your forte and that's OK. It is not necessary for the entire internet to be offensive.Despite evidence to the contrary.w/v is "upouto." I deny I'm poutong.

  16. How do I know so much about Easter? Read about it in the bible. Which bible? The goodest one. My favorite part is the all the hot gay sex.I think you're confusing Aslan the Magical Lion with Assslam the Magical Bear.

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